if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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