Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
