then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
