we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
