I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
