my vag is so smooth its legendary
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The Olympian is in my bed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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