i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
