erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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