I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
