What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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