you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
