I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
