I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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