i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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