Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
