just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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