please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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