Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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