Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
