Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
