we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
