I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
