you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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