he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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