I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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