Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
