I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
