before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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