omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
