can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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