i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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