I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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