Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
