I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
