Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
