I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
