Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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