My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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