True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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