my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
