Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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