it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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