I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
