I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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