I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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