Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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