Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
