I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
