I cockslap morals
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
