I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
