In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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