I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
