wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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