i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
