If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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