He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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